A Vampire's Vampire
by MeghanReviews
Summary: As a human Bella did not like the smell of blood; being a vampire hasn't changed that. Takes place six months after her change into a vampire. Doesn't follow BD. Edward/Bella. Warnings: Sex. HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

_*No Renesmee. She never existed._

**A Vampire's Vampire**

I glanced at the elk, dead at my feet, then away. I was feeling sloshy and full, but my thirst wasn't satisfied. The elk hadn't tasted very good. Elk tasted terrible to everyone but even more so to me. Fire scorched my throat and I stilled, locking the sensation down, trying to push it aside, to focus on something else.

The air shifted and suddenly I was aware that Edward was beside me. He was concerned about my stillness; I could feel the anxiety coming off him. Edward worried that the blood hadn't done its job and he was right to worry. I was still thirsty. Terribly, terribly thirsty. The fire burned but I didn't know how to satisfy it.

I didn't know what to say to him because I couldn't explain it to myself. Somehow the way smells worked for him and the rest of the Cullens weren't the same for me. I didn't like the smell of human blood or animal blood. I ate because the thirst demanded that I eat something, but it was never something that fully satisfied me.

"Bella?" Edward said softly, filling the air with his beautiful scent. I breathed it in and shuddered.

He reached out and gently cradled me to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed deeply. His almost-honey-lilac-and-sun-flavored scent coursed through me and the thirst intensified as lust shivered through me. He smelled delicious as usual, needing no cologne or perfume to make him smell attractive.

Edward pressed a kiss to my hair, gently running his fingers through it and rubbing my neck. "It's okay, Bella," he whispered over and over.

I nodded, pressing against him trying to get a hold of myself. When the pain of longings had subsided a bit I pressed a kiss to his neck and pulled back. He didn't let me go very far. His gold eyes bored into me. I knew he was trying to discern my thoughts and that my silence was frustrating him.

"I'm okay, promise," I said, offering a weak smile.

"No, you're not," Edward replied, a scowl twisting his lovely features. "Carlisle and I will figure it out. You can't keep going on like this. You're wasting away."

I pulled out of his arms with a scowl to match his. A low growl escaped me before I could stop it. "You're being melodramatic, Edward. I am not wasting away."

"You're thinner than you were six months ago," Edward retorted hotly. "You're not eating enough."

"I eat until my belly is sloshing every time we hunt!" I growled in denial. "How is that not eating enough?"

Edward's expression blanked. Quietly, he said, "It's not how much you eat Bella, it's the quality of what you eat. You're the reason most vampires refuse to try being vegetarians. They think they'll waste away not eating human blood."

"Most vampires wouldn't care to try in the first place," I reminded him.

He nodded. "You're right, most wouldn't." He brushed his hand against my cheek. I closed my eyes to relish the feeling. "Need I remind you though Aro's reaction to Carlisle's way of life in the beginning?"

I sighed. "He was surprised to see his friend still in such good shape."

"Yes," Edward breathed. I felt dizzy under the rush of honey lilac scented air. He could still dazzle me. It was hardly fair. "Carlisle and I were surprised at how animal blood didn't affect you Bella. That's why three months ago we force you to drink donated human blood for two months."

"That didn't work though," I protested. He couldn't want me to go back to drinking that chemical junk. I wouldn't do it.

"Which makes it all the more terrifying, Bella," he answered. His golden eyes dilated in worry. His nostrils flared as he breathed in deeply. "We don't know what's wrong with you Bella. We don't know how to fix it."

"I have faith," I told him, returning his touch. He leaned into my hand, closing his eyes for a brief moment. He opened them and stared at me, his face burning from the fear that was eating him inside out. "I have faith, Edward," I repeated, before leaning in to kiss him.

He devoured my mouth. Fear drove him to claim me thoroughly. His hands gripped my shoulders tightly as he hauled me closer. I went willingly. There was nowhere else I would rather be than in his arms. My arms encircled his neck as I stood on tip toe trying to get closer. His jagged breath swirled down my throat and I inhaled greedily.

Edward groaned, his hands running everywhere as he fought to control the emotions tearing through us. I am sure he, like me did not wish to make love here beside the remains of our meals. It was a struggle, but eventually I managed to pull my mouth from his. It was accompanied by a soft sucking sound. We shivered together.

I grabbed his hand when he held it out and we took off running. The ground and forest moved out of our way as we hurtled ourselves back home to our little cottage. Desire pulsed in my veins. I wanted to feel him over and under and in me. I moaned softly at the image. Edward ran faster, dragging me behind him. I wanted to laugh, but matching arousal made it impossible. I wanted to get home as much as he did.

We reached the cottage in record time. Edward nearly broke the door off it hinges opening it. I laughed lightly until his mouth cut me off and his hands made me gasp. I clung to him, lost in the sensations as his hands ran over me.

"Clothes off," I demanded, tugging at his light grey long sleeved shirt.

He had it whipped off his body before I had finished my sentence. It sailed into the corner, swirling dust motes in the air. I was not to be distracted though from the glorious array of muscles before me. Eagerly I ran my hands over them, feeling his strong pecs and flat stomach. He jumped at the feeling of my nails tickling there and grabbed my hands.

I whined into his mouth. He chuckled softly, breaking off our kiss to nuzzle my neck. "Slower, Bella," he said placing my hands at his neck.

I cupped his jaw, leaning forward to lick there. He groaned, throwing his head back. "Faster, Edward," I countered.

"What's the rush?" he asked, his gold eyes shining with love and happiness.

"I need you," I replied. "I want to feel you… all of you… inside me…"

My breathing was ragged and his suddenly matched mine. My words drove him crazy and I delighted in my power over him. It was almost as good as dazzling him. His hands cupped my hips and pressed me to him. I could feel the evidence of his arousal, thick and strong. He rubbed against me, his hips circling slowly but firmly. I moaned my approval, attaching my lips to his collarbone and gliding them down his chest. Edward sucked in a breath as I encircled one of his nipples with my tongue.

"Bella, Bella," he chanted, running his hands up and down my back, cupping my butt and lifting me so he could press directly between my legs.

"Yes," I moaned, my hands dropping to his waist and pulling him flush. He throbbed insistently. I wrapped my legs around him and squeezed. We both groaned at the sensation. I was wet and ready for him. "Please," I begged.

"Anything," he returned, ripping my pants from me.

"Alice is going to hurt you," I giggled, reaching between us to drag his fly down. My hand wiggled inside his pants to grab him.

"Sweet venom," he breathed as my hand wrapped around him and tugged him out of his confinement. I agreed with a throaty purr. Sweet venom indeed.

Stroking him lightly, I brushed his head with my thumb. He jerked a low hissing noise escaping him before he slammed me against the wall. His hands ran up my sides and under my shirt to stroke my breasts. I gasped. My nipples hardened instantly, puckering in anticipation. At his touch, I threw my head back, reveling in his fingers as they twisted my nipples and plucked them into full hardness.

"Edward, Edward," I moaned, undulating my hips. The tip of his cock touched my entrance in the movement. I cried out and did it again. Need swiftly overcame all thought as we struggled to get closer.

Edward brushed against my wetness twice before driving home. He cried out as I stretched around him, accepting him deep. Still, he wasn't close enough. I wanted, "More."

"Yes," he groaned, pulling out before plunging hard.

I rocked against him, calling out to him with every thrust. Over and over he filled me only to withdraw and do it again. I was tight, so tight, every stroke he had to work his way inside. He let go of one breast to glide his hand down my stomach. He pressed firmly, feeling himself move inside me. It drove me wild. I contracted strongly, drawing him deeper.

"My Bella," he panted, burying himself hard inside me. "I love the way you feel."

His hand drifted down and pressed against my clit, tracing the bundle of nerves firmly, building the pressure inside me. It coiled through me, causing my stomach muscles to clench as I held on tighter. I urged him on, and he pinned me to the wall, forcing my hands above my head as he impaled me, ramming his cock up and through my dripping sheath.

"You're tight, so tight."

"Yes," I moaned breathily, my head swimming from sensation overload. "So tight, for you, always for you."

"And wet," he growled, rubbing my clit harder. I throbbed around him. I was close, so close… just a little more.

"For you, just you."

"You're mine," Edward rasped, crashing his mouth against mine.

I kissed him back eagerly, undulating beneath him as he stuffed me completely. I was so full, so ready. He pinched my clit as he rammed into me again and that was it. I cried out in ecstasy as my orgasm crashed over me. I was drowning in him.

"Yours, yours," I chanted straining against his hold on my wrists. I wanted to touch him, drag his hips closer and ride this feeling out. It was so powerful, I was seeing stars. "Let me touch you," I pleaded, thrashing under him as my orgasm crested again.

"No," he growled, angling his hips differently and pushing into me with a force that knocked my breath away.

His thrusts sped up as his climax overtook him. I convulsed around him again, clamping down hard. His release was long and drawn out and I took it all, whispering his name again and again in the silence that drifted around us. My head fell forward to his shoulder, my mouth resting against the column of his neck.

Feeling him pull away for the last time was undeniable torture. I bit his neck at the intensity of it. He moaned at the press of my mouth, his slow withdrawal rubbing my tender flesh. It was bittersweet. I did not want to let him go and he did not want to leave, but eventually he was all the way out and I was empty, grasping at air. I rubbed against him, causing us both to squirm. I bit his neck harder, causing him to wince.

"Easy, Bella," he murmured, running a hand up my thigh and over my butt and back again before lifting it down. "Easy, love."

The smell of his breath washed over me and time began to gallop. One minute I was there struggling to control myself in the aftershocks of our love making and the next, I had Edward down on the floor, pinning him into place with all my strength as I sank my teeth into his neck.

His venom washed down my throat as I suckled greedily. It was the most delicious thing I had tasted this side of the change. I drank from him hungrily, ignoring the press of his hands against my shoulders trying to push me away. The craze of newborns was upon me, and all I thought about was his venom. I had to have it – I needed it in the he craved my human blood. When his struggles lessened I murmured eagerly against his neck, pressing my body against him. I wanted to wrap myself in him and drink him down.

I don't know what made me stop. I don't remember thinking about anything other than the taste of his sunshine flavored venom but suddenly I was across the room, eyes wide in horror, my breath frozen in my throat and trembling in fear. What had I done? I was a monster.

Edward groaned softly in pain and I choked back a cry. He was okay. My knees gave out and I sank swiftly to the ground. My eyes locked on the wound at his neck, the cold marble skin around it bruised dark purple, matching the bruises under his eyes. White liquid trickled out of the puncture marks, slowly knitting them back together. I watched as it healed him, my eyes burning with unshedable tears… my thirst was gone, but at what price? I feared his reaction and I feared at mine. Sweet venom, what was I?

**End chapter 1.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Seconds after my collapse to the floor, the door to our cottage was actually ripped off its hinges by Emmett. Jasper flew through the door and planted himself between me and Edward, snarling in warning. Emmett soon joined him. Both ready to defend their brother against me.

Alice came through next and after a warning glare from Jasper paused between him and me. I was glad he made her stay on that side of the room. I was a monster.

I wanted to die when Carlisle strode into our home calmly, his face completely blank as he went over to Edward. I hurt him so terribly. I don't know what came over me or why. How could I have hurt Edward that way?

My chest ached fiercely. If I could cry I would be sobbing. I was holding my breath still, fighting the uncomfortable feeling of sensory deprivation. The urge to inhale was becoming more insistent but I fought it off. Until we could determine what happened I refused to give into the need.

My husband groaned and my misery increased. I hid my face and wished desperately for the ability to cry. Why? Why did this happen? I had fed on elk until my body could hold no more… or so I thought. I moaned, biting my lip, feeling my teeth prick sharply.

Carlisle was efficient in his examination. He murmured to Rose and Esme, who had been waiting on the outside of the cottage. They swept in carrying medical supplies. Numbness was starting to settle over me. Numbness was good. Maybe I could hide from the pain with it.

"Bella?" Alice said softly, touching Jasper as she walked around him. He snarled and I jumped. Alice turned and glared at Jasper. "If you won't help, go back outside."

Shock wiped his face clean. His lips thinned and he glowered at her before shifting his gaze to me. I cringed and then suddenly calm swept over the room. Emmett even dropped his defensive stance for a moment because of it before shaking it off and reverting to his crouch. I didn't fight the emotions; I needed calm to stay sane.

Alice moved slowly again drawing my attention. She held a hand out to me and kept walking. I wanted to shy away but forced myself to stay still until her hand rested lightly on my shoulder.

"It's okay, Bella," she whispered sinking down beside me.

I shook my head. I refocused on Edward as Esme and Rosalie followed Carlisle's instructions. Soon they were hoisting Edward up into a sitting position. He wobbled a bit when they let go and moved to lean against the opposite wall.

Bright white bandages plastered to his skin. The purple under his eyes stood out more starkly then usual. I watched him closely, afraid to look away. I counted his breaths. One… two… five… twenty… seventy-two… and then he opened his eyes.

His gaze found mine immediately. It warmed immediately upon noting my own anxious pleading one. "I'm fine," he murmured, his voice lower then a sigh of air.

"Thank God." My voice was just as soft. I closed my eyes in gratitude and sent a fervent prayer upwards. I had used a little of my air supply. I would have to be careful and save it for expressions I could not articulate without words.

"What the hell happened?" Trust Emmett to break the silence.

I looked at Edward and shook my head. I didn't know. Edward looked at Carlisle, who cleared his throat.

"I need to know what transpired. I've never come across anything like this."

"Edward breathed on her," Alice supplied, knowing Edward and I were out of it.

"That's all?" Carlisle said with a frown.

Alice nodded emphatically. "That's all."

"We'd," Edward's voice cracked. He touched his throat in surprise and swallowed. "We'd gone hunting. Bella had taken down three large bulls. They only slightly appeased her thirst. We came back here and made love. After we were both spent I breathed on her. Directly on her face."

It was a sign of how serious things were that Emmett didn't take the opportunity to rib Edward. Jasper radiated energy and it was beginning to affect me. Carlisle's pensive form was the focus of every pair of eyes. Peripherally they were also all on me.

"Dazzled," I supplied as what he said clicked through my head.

Edward jerked his eyes to mine. His thoughts raced backwards, flickering across his expression as he ran through his memory of what had happened.

"Are you thirsty still?" Carlisle asked me.

I thought about that. "Yes and no."

I was nearly out of breath. I thought perhaps I could safely inhale, but was convinced the risk of being wrong was not worth it.

Carlisle pursed his lips then said, "Explain."

I pointed to my chest and pantomimed breathing in and out with exaggerated movements.

"She's holding her breath," Esme told the room.

I nodded relieved that she'd been so quick on the uptake.

Alice got a far away expression. She snapped to attention and said, "If we stay very still, Bella will be able to inhale and explain."

Suddenly the room was motionless. A stillness descended that only vampires could achieve. I was grateful for Alice's vision. It meant I could talk freely without fear. After a few seconds I inhaled sharply. Relief filled me as the air tasted clean and pure on my tongue and in my throat.

"No, I'm not thirsty in the way I have been for a long time. Yes, I am thirsty in the way you've described being thirsty after satisfying your cravings. The burn is there, but it's small, easily ignored."

"And dazzled?" Carlisle said quickly, using little air.

"Edward has always been able to dazzle me," I said slowly, still testing the air again as I inhaled. It was okay. "When I was human, he could breathe on me or stare me directly in the eyes and I would get dizzy, my thoughts would scrabble, and my heart rate would accelerate."

There was silence in the room until Edward broke it with a questioning, "Yes?"

I frowned at him, confused. As understanding washed over me I knew he must have answered Carlisle's unspoken question. Something along the lines of "Have you dazzled her since she's changed?"

I tried to recall myself. I couldn't remember being affected by his breath like this before now. His penetrating gaze, yes, easily a hundred times over. "Not with his breath."

"What did his breath smell like to you, Bella?"

"As a human – exceedingly pleasant and sweet, like cool winter wind. I noticed almost immediately after the fire left me. His breath smells like…" I broke off, if I were human I would have blushed scarlet. I took another deep breath, fortifying myself and started again. "It's almost honey, almost lilac, colored overall by the sun."

All breathing stopped. Nobody move. Their muscles were locked down, Jasper was frantically pouring out peacefulness by the buckets which was frankly having the opposite affect on me. I froze too, holding my breath as well.

"Our breath isn't that distinctive Bella," Carlisle replied. "It's sweet and cool but not much beyond that. Werewolves would say it is sickeningly sweet."

"Do we smell distinctly to you also?" Alice asked the question away from me before turning and cocking her head in my direction.

I nodded, reluctant to admit this. I wanted desperately to be held by Edward. I want to feel his strength wrap around me. I wanted him to protect me from myself, whatever I was. I swallowed thickly and turned my head away from Alice.

"Esme is like cinnamon and hyacinth. You're like pear and seawater. Carlisle is something like rising bread and vanilla. Emmett is pine and moss and leather.

Jasper smells of apple and chocolate... Rose of lavender and fresh cut grass… or maybe wet grass like after a spring shower."

"Wow, you're a freak Bells," Emmett said after a full minute had ticked by.

Edward growled. It sounded weak to my ears. Emmett tossed me a bashful apology. I waved it off. I was a freak. I was a monster who would eat my husband. It didn't get freakier than that.

Esme came forward slowly, no fast movements. She imitated Alice and touched me gently on the arm. "How do you feel, Bella?"

"Strong," I admitted guiltily. I closed my eyes and forced back a wave of mortification that threatened to pull me under. "I'm pretty positive I could wrestle Emmett to the ground in less than 10 seconds."

Emmett glowered, his chest swelling as wounded ego took control. Rose touched him and snarled, "Don't you dare dream of testing that."

"Come here," Edward rasped.

Startled as I was by the directive I wasn't sure I should move any closer to him.

"It's okay, Bella," Alice said reassuringly. Her assurance eased the sudden worried looks that had crossed the faces of the others.

I crawled to him and paused indecisively before him. Edward looked tired. He smiled my favorite crooked grin, and it made my heart ache. "Oh Edward," I sobbed.

"Shh," he sighed, opening his arms.

I dove between them and he wrapped me up, but it wasn't as tight as he would normally hold me. "I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear."

"I know," he answered, stroking my hair. "I know, Bella. I'm okay. You stopped. It's okay."

I shook my head in denial. It was not okay. I wasn't okay. He wasn't okay. Nothing was okay.

"Edward," Carlisle said with a low undertone. His voice was girded with a layer of steel. "You need to hunt. Immediately."

"We'll go with him," Rose volunteered, grabbing Emmett's arm.

She obviously didn't trust him to stay behind and not challenge me to that wrestling match. It was also strategic to leave Jasper behind with me because of his skills. He was also uncomfortable leaving me in Jasper's presence. Jasper stared at Edward for a long moment and Edward nodded. The tension broke and Rose was able to usher Edward away.

Edward didn't like that they had to help him stand. I didn't like it either. "I'll be back soon," he promised.

I nodded glumly. "Be safe."

Then he was gone.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"What's wrong with him?"

It may have sounded like a demand, but it was really a whine full of anguish. I watched Edward clench his fists and steel his jaw as he tossed and turned in agony. Jasper and Emmett stared at Carlisle for direction.

At a slight nod from him they pounced on Edward, grabbing his limbs and jerking them outward and down to hold him in place. Before they were done I was on the ground beside Edward, stroking his hair from his forehead.

A high keening noise penetrated my hearing, distracting me from focusing completely on Edward. I turned my head to glare at the offender and then realized the offender was me. The keening stopped. I sucked it in and swallowed it. I would not fall apart. That could come later. Now I had to focus; Edward needed me.

"Carlisle," I hissed, as Edward jerked and moaned.

Carlisle reached out and ran his hands over Edward's body. "If I'm not mistaken…"

"Yarruunngh," Edward screamed, his eyes rolling back inside his head.

My chest felt tight. If I were human my heart would be in my throat, my pulse pounding out a tattoo to match the twitching of his muscles. What was going on? He was fine until thirty minutes after returning from his hunt. Something bad was happening and I didn't know how to stop it.

"Please, Edward," I begged touching him; his face, his neck, his shoulders, his chest. "Please, Edward, what's wrong?"

Jasper and Emmett were forced to throw all their weight on him as another wave of pain resulted in back arching and fists curling. Jaw stretched tight, a growl of distress broke through. I echoed it, pressing a hand to my mouth. It was unbearable to watch him and too agonizing to turn away.

"Carlisle," I said slowly. "Carlisle, we're not mind readers. You have to speak to us. You have to speak to me. What is going on?"

"Our bodies are made out of venom," Carlisle stated simply, soothing Edward's expression.

"Your point?"

"Master of the obvious," Emmett snarled, slamming Edward against the floor. His worried expression twisting his features beyond recognition.

Jasper sent a wave of tranquility outward. Edward stilled for a moment. We held our breath and then the wave of emotion disappeared and he was back to hissing and snarling and screaming as if in endless torment.

Carlisle stared steadily at me until I managed to tear mine from Edward to meet his gaze. "The change happens because of the venom. You drank down his venom. His body has never had less venom in it until now."

Oh. "Oh."

"We couldn't possibly know the side affects of this. He's reacting like his body is on fire, though he's too stubborn to talk to us right now."

I shook my head in amazement. How could they expect Edward to talk through the fire? I remembered it clearly, as my mind began to comprehend the burn and think around it. I kissed Edward on the forehead. He stilled as if recognizing my touch… as if he'd reached the point I was remembering in my own transformation.

Carlisle confirmed my suspicions moments later saying, "He's trying to stifle the moans now because he recognizes that you are here. He doesn't want you to feel bad about what's happening."

"That's just a guess," I reminded him. Only one vampire among us could read minds and he was currently incapable of speaking his own mind.

"It's a pretty good one. You two are always trying to ease the other's pain," Jasper pointed out, tightening his grip on Edward's ankles.

"So he's burning? Like going through the change again?" Emmett questioned. "Was he less of a vampire before? Was he… partly human?"

"Maybe and again maybe. No and no." Carlisle smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "He's replenishing his venom. He'll be back to his old self I think when this is over. My theory is that this is…" he waved his hand at Edward's shivering form, "Like a human replenishing blood. He's converting the blood to venom if I'm not wrong… but venom creation is painful.

"Like swallowing it," Jasper said.

"Just like swallowing it," Carlisle affirmed.

"Not to me," I denied quietly. "It didn't burn at all. It quenched. It soothed."

"Hmmm…"

"You have another theory don't you… about me…" I glared at him. "Tell me! I can't bear this…"

I slipped my legs beneath Edward's head and cradled him. He moaned softly, yanking his arms and legs trying to break his brothers' hold. I shushed him, haltingly humming my lullaby, in an effort to give him a measure of peace.

"I think Bella," Carlisle began, hesitantly, as if he didn't want to commit himself to the words. "You are a vampire's vampire."

A what? "A what?" I couldn't have heard that right.

"I think you're a natural predator of the vampire. You may be the only one in the whole world, but one might be all that is necessary."

"How so, Carlisle?" Jasper snarled, fighting Edward's renewed thrashing.

"There are many, many, humans; a good amount of vampires; and you, Bella, or a few who are like you… Be still Edward, fighting us does not help." Carlisle's suddenly harsh tone sliced through Edward's pain laced expression. It made the rest of us pause too, our instincts on high alert at the dangerous sound.

I ran my fingers through Edward's hair, in an effort to calm myself more than Edward. Blurry images of my time in school as a human flickered through my mind of charts and the words food chain echoed menacingly in the back of my mind.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Predators keep the population of the prey from growing and exceeding its ability to thrive."

I frowned at them all.

Jasper nodded. "So Bella's ability is out of a natural need for population control of vampires…"

"Ability or natural evolution?" Emmett questioned under his breath.

"But just because I could eat you… kill you doesn't mean I should," I protested hotly. Glad my vampire body could not betray me the way my human body would have. "You don't after all eat humans… we're all vegetarians!"

Carlisle shook his head. I dreaded what he was going to say next; I was sure I wasn't going to like it. I stalled him by speaking words of encouragement to Edward, stroking his neck softly and rubbing his shoulders.

"Vegetarianism is okay for us, Bella, we can survive on animals just as well as on humans, there's no difference in our physical health by avoiding humans." He shrugged, reaching out to rest his hand on my shoulder. "You, however, were wasting away before our very eyes. Animal blood might slow the process, human might slow it more, but I have a feeling only vampire venom will sustain you."

That was what I had been dreading.

"Oh holy crow…" the words were expelled harshly.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Could I pretend he hadn't said it? No, I couldn't ignore it. I could not put them in harm's way.

Emmett and Jasper were quiet. I opened my eyes, trying to glean from their blank expressions what they were thinking.

"That's bad Carlisle that's really bad…" I whispered. "If you're right I will have to hunt vampires and then the Volturi will find out and they'll come after us or me in either case it won't be good."

"Breath Bella," Emmett chuckled.

I inhaled sharply.

"No I dare say it won't be good," Jasper agreed with me. Carlisle nodded.

"I can't bring the Volturi down on you all. I'm going to have to disappear."

"Don't be absurd," Edward's hissed. His dark onyx eyes speared me. I was helpless to look away.

Emmett rubbed Edward's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry brother, I won't let her slip away."

He nodded weakly and subsided. "How much longer Carlisle," he rasped.

The exchange was done in silence. Edward nodded limply and whispered. "Let go, please, I promise not hurt myself or anyone else."

Jasper and Emmett shared a look and then turned as one to Carlisle who nodded. Carlisle then motioned them to stand up and follow him. "We will leave you two alone," he said kindly before disappearing in a flash.

"Go easy on him," Emmett said before following after Jasper.

Edward groaned lowly and curled up against me. I shushed him, cooing softly. My hands sought to sooth every inch of his burning flesh.

"That feels nice," he said.

"Then I will keep doing it," I promised.

"You aren't leaving," he said.

"No," I assured him. At least I wouldn't leave now, not while he needed me.

He smiled wanly and touched him cheek. "You aren't leaving period. I know that look. I saw it more than a few times on myself. You can't fool me."

"How are you feeling?" I asked, changing the subject rather obviously.

"I was good at evasion too," he said.

I glared at him. He chuckled, a sad note creeping into it at the end. My lips pursed of their own accord and my expression must surely look as defiant as I felt.

"Stop thinking, Bella," Edward commanded. "I don't have the strength to argue with you right now. It hurts too much."

"Oh, Edward," I cried, breaking down. "I'm sorry, so sorry. If I could make it stop, make it go away…"

"I told you didn't I that you would be a bit stronger."

"Don't joke."

"I'm not," he said, sitting up slowly.

"Edward, you must lie down, you shouldn't be sitting up."

As usual the beast of a vampire ignored me. He moved gingerly as if testing every action for his tolerance of its accompanied pain. Edward pulled me into his arms and held me with all the strength he had.

"I won't let you, you know," he whispered against my temple. "I won't let you leave me. I will find you wherever you go, no matter how far. I existed without you once, don't make me go through it again."

"Edward…"

"Yes, Bella," he said, pulling back, pressing kisses all along the way until he captured my mouth.

We moaned together at the contact. I couldn't tell if his moan was a happy one or a pain filled one, but when I tried to pull back, Edward stopped me by holding the back of my head. He pursued me, leaning closer, kissing deeper. I sighed into his mouth and wound my fingers through his hair. The kiss was electrifying, my mouth tingled and shivers pulsed through me.

It was noisy and desperate on my end. Edward was strangely quiet, kissing with a ferocity I hadn't seen from him since that first week when we were able to make love with impunity. I puzzled about this as I parried the thrust of his tongue, which battled sleekly against my own. Then it clicked. He was being very careful not to dazzle me with his breath.

When I figured that out, I stopped kissing him back. He growled, pressing his mouth to mine harder. A single touch against his chest and he stopped, pulling back to look at me grimly.

"I don't want to stop," he said, the hungry look in his eyes made my insides turn liquid.

"You're holding your breath," I accused.

He turned his head away and sighed gustily. I held my breath. When he turned back his eyes were bleak. "You just held yours."

"I know," I said gloomily. "I didn't want to risk it."

"I didn't want to make it harder for you," he returned, life crackling in his black eyes. He touched my cheek before letting his hand drop away.

I covered my face with my hands. "I'm a monster."

**End Chapter 3.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"You are not a monster," Edward growled, sounding more like his old self, until a spasm of pain ruined the illusion.

I ignored him, concentrating on his eyes. "You need to feed again."

"Come with me," he replied, his gaze locked on mine.

I bit my lip. This was not a good idea. "Edward…"

He threw himself backwards. He wasn't facing me now. His whole body was tense. He clenched and unclenched his fists violently. I was afraid to make a move. I hadn't seen Edward this angry since before I changed.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, dropping my head so that my hair covered my face.

"Damn it," Edward snarled. "Why can't things ever be easy for us?"

"Normal…" I added, glumly agreeing. Things were never easy, never normal for us. Everything was difficult even when we got out of our own way.

He spun around and stuck a finger in my direction. "I'll hunt, but you better be here when I get back or so help me Isabella Marie Cullen, there will be hell to pay."

I couldn't help a miserable laugh in response to that. He had to have heard it, even though he was gone from sight. Edward was worried that I would run like he had just after my eighteenth birthday, but he didn't have to worry. Where would I go? Unless they asked me to leave, I was going to stay. Selfish. Cruel. Suddenly all alone again… miserable me.

My wretchedness overwhelmed me and just like that the chuckles turned into dry heaving sobs. Twin arms circled me, delicate and soft. Alice, I thought.

"Cheer up, Bella," she crooned, her lyrical voice capturing me as easily as it had the first time I truly heard it.

"Alice," I snuffled, feeling my heart break all over again. "Why? Why me?"

"Because," she said, "change is necessary. You're meant to shake us up! Can you imagine those papery old fuddy-duddies in Italy when they find out? You're going to terrify them."

"Terrify," I scoffed, then whined, "They'll send an army after us, Alice!"

"Oh they can try, but you've got me on your side and frankly Bella, if a war is going to break out we're going to be glad you're around."

"Even if I'm the reason there is a war?"

"Bells," Emmett chided softly as he walked back into the room. He crouched beside us and tilted my chin up so his gaze could meet mine. "When have I ever back down from a fight?"

"Never," I sniffed.

He smiled tenderly. "Exactly. I'm ready for something more challenging than grizzly bears, how about you?"

I laughed despite myself. "Oh Emmett," I said as I flung my arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

He hugged me back before gently disentangling himself. "Alice is right you know. With her visions, Edward's hearing, your badass-ness, and Jasper's emotion control and battle skills they won't stand a chance."

"Okay," I said, still feeling hesitant.

Jasper stuck his head around the door frame and smiled at me. I was immediately calm and confident in my family. I stuck my tongue out at him, causing the others to laugh.

"I seem to be okay now," I murmured, low enough that had they not been vampires, the words would have been mute.

"Yes," Alice stated simply, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Of course you are. You have more control than you give yourself credit for."

"Like Edward," Emmett added, ruffling my hair. "He drove everybody nuts with his own worries about control but if anything remotely threatening came near you he was the first one to protect you."

"You understand I'm still going to worry, right?"

Emmett laughed out loud, long and hearty. "You wouldn't be Bella if you didn't."

I watched the dark purple beyond the glass windows searching for a sign of Edward's return. We had too many decisions to discuss and there would be angry words. Edward's anger would come from fear that I was trying to leave him. Mine would because I feared hurting him.

"It'll work out, you'll see," Alice said kindly, stroking my hair.

I gave her a look. "We're always dealing with disasters when it comes to me. Human. Vampire. Vampire's vampire."

"One disaster at a time," she agreed. "But we handle them as a family. Did we not all protect you when James came hunting? Did we not save Edward together? Or stop a newborn family in its tracks? Have a little faith."

"I'm going to go back to the cottage," I told her.

She let me go and I slipped through the sliding glass doors into the purple darkness. As I walked away I heard Jasper ask Alice if it was a good idea to let me go alone. I didn't hear her response, or if she gave one, but I knew she wouldn't have let me go if she wasn't certain of me. Sometimes having a fortune-teller in the family was a good thing.

The cottage was dark when I reached it. I picked up the fallen door and gingerly placed it against the wall. Esme was going to have to fix that. I flipped on a light and aimlessly picked up things and put them back where they belonged. I restacked Edward's journals from the mess they were in his music room. My fingers trailed along the ivory keys of the small wooden pianoforte before shutting the lid and fixing his scattered sheet music.

"You won't leave me," Edward growled, coming to stand in the doorway. His eyes were golden again and the bruises under his eyes lighter. I sighed in relief. "You won't leave me," he repeated.

"I won't leave you," I agreed demurely.

The humming tension abruptly left him. "Good."

"You don't have to worry, Edward. I existed without you once too and I don't want to repeat the experience."

He smiled tightly and held out his arms. I went to them eagerly and hugged him back, drawing comfort from his embrace.

"You're not a monster," he said suddenly.

I tensed and he repeated it again. I looked up at him. "Edward, I could have easily killed you. I don't even know what made me stop. It wasn't a conscious decision at all."

"Do you know how many times in the last few years I nearly killed you?" Edward countered. "Too many to count. Too many to list, it's too shameful."

"But you never, not once bit me," I reminded him. "You even cheated with those needles and your venom when you changed me."

"I would not risk you for a feeding."

"Nor I you, don't you see? Edward I'm dangerous."

He shook me gently. "You're not leaving me."

I laughed bitterly. "Edward, I'm as selfish as you. The only way I'd ever leave you was if you asked me to go."

He scowled. "That'll never happen."

"So what happens now?" I asked timidly.

He brushed my hair from my face. "Now we make Jacob happy by hunting bad vampires and killing them."

"I don't know if I can," I whispered, hiding my expression by looking away from him.

"You're too compassionate," Edward agreed. He turned me to face him. "I would gladly sacrifice a hundred vampires to keep you with me."

"They're not all Jameses and Victorias."

"No, some are infinitely worse."

I grimaced. "So what am I now? Judge, jury, and executioner?"

"My little vampire executioner," Edward said softly, leaving a trail of kisses across my face.

"Goody for me."

"Stop your grousing, Bella," Edward murmured capturing my lips. "It's been a long night and I need you."

**End Chapter 4.**


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